It doesn´t matter how hard I try

And so, your presence is still alive. Your like an alive ghost, even when I think your gone, you suddently appear; when I look to the other side, there you are; when I think I´m strong enough, I see your smile in that little picture and so the world makes no sense. Why? I try the best I can, but I can´t avoid to go the same way all day, and can´t stop doing and following the same steps, because your way crosses mine somewhere, I can´t stop smelling ang tasting the world because something reminds you, I won´t stop listening the music I like because unfortunatilly you have the great sense for music like I do. I won´t stop living my life because someday you where a part of it, because one day you came across me, and that was such a happy moment. But why I can´t stop trying to control everything, looking for a sad clue that would hurt myself so I can take it over? One thing I know for sure, I´m strong enough to say no, because I do know what a want, and I tried to make that work. So that keeps myself calm for a while, because I tried, and so you?